Thursday, October 16, 2014

Things Boys Do // Can We Not (thursday thursday thursday)

It's Thurssday, Thursssssday, gonna get down on Thursday!  And with that, my last blog post ever is concluded, because I'm a Youtube sensation now and I'm on to bigger and better things.   Jk, and also jk about it being Thursday, because I wrote this on Thursday but it'sclearly not Thursday anymore.   But, if we pretend that it is Thursday, that would make it time for some #canwenots, right?  Right.  Today's #canwenots are focused on the male half of the population because, well. . . let's just say that there was one too many farting incidents on Monday and I'm taking it out on my blog.  Guys, just a few things that I could live without.

Thinking farting is hilarious.  I have news for you: it's gross.  It smells bad.  It sounds bad.  And, even if it were not remotely repulsive, it definitely would still not warrant 20-minute laughing fits.  #canwenot

Asking girls if they are sick/tired.  I mean, if I really was sick or tired, I'd probably be really touched that you cared enough to ask.  However, I'm usually not.  Most of the time, I'm just unpretty and don't want to be reminded of it.  Gentlemen, it's probably safer to just not ask. #canwenot

Taking up the whole entire bathroom (looking at you, Dad and Jonah.)  I mean, what are you even doing in there?  I could probably do your hair with my eyes closed, so you should definitely be able to take care of that somewhere other than the bathroom.  The nerve.  #canwenot

Eating all of the food.  My brother has recently become a teenager, and I've since learned that teenage boys can eat an inordinate amount of food.  I mean, I feel like we could feed myself and five friends with the food that my brother eats by himself.  Speaking of which, why does he not weigh three hundred pounds?  I love my brother and I don't want him to be obese, but he deserves to be fat and he's not and it isn't fair.  #canwenot

Touching everything.  Hitting ponytails and taking my stuff and sticking tape to my sweaterm. Mine.  Guys, it's really not cute anymore, if it ever was.  (Disclaimer: Zac Efron, you may tape my sweater any day.)  Hugging waayyyyy more aggressively than is necessary (coughcoughJonahandDadcoughcough.)  And, evil of all evils, tickling.  Being tickled makes me feel like I'm dying or being tortured and so I don't really like it, surprisingly enough. #canwenot

To avoid alienating every male that ever happens across this space (although, let's be honest, how many guys read blogs?) and because I don't feel like I've been completely fair, let's talk about the stuff that boys/men do that are extremely helpful.

Bug killing.  Any girl who is a strong, independent woman who don't need no man: 1) you go! 2) but you probably wouldn't mind having someone to kill a bug every once in a while, right?  Especially those disgusting, purely evul things with 4839583 LONG legs that have been known to fall out of the ceiling.  I don't know about you, but I'm not dying to deal with that all by myself.  #guysftw

Reaching stuff that's just a leeeettle too high.  I'm not short, but when my waterbottle is on a ledge that's way out of range, I can usually count on a guy being tall enough to help me out. (Even if it's the same guy who put it up there in the first place - see the #canwenots!) #guysftw

Laughing at things that aren't even funny.  (As long as it's not farting, because yuuucccck.) Yes, please do laugh at my terrible knock knock joke or even something I say that wasn't necessarily supposed to be funny.  Either way, it'll make it easier for me to pretend that I'm a comedic genius, and that's always cool.  #guysftw

Doing things that most girls would never, ever, not in a million years, do.  I don't really want to jump off a building or spray tan myself orange when I lose a bet,  but watching someone else do it is almost as good.  #guysftw

This is normally a link up, but I'm not on top of things sooooo . . it isn't.  Next Thursday, thought, it'll be here!  Write up your own list of #canwenots and bring it here!


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