Wednesday, November 12, 2014

The Time I Got Trapped in the Meijer Bathroom // Survival 101

Pre-post half hearted apology note:  Meijer, I'm sorry that you struggle with bathroom maintenance.  I'm sure that, most of the time, your bathrooms are well cared for and prepared to be used; I probably just came at a bad time.  Please don't take this personally. 

I generally choose not to believe most of what I hear about public restrooms because, well, sometimes I have to go.  When I'm in public.  And if I knew everything there is to know about public restrooms AND BELIEVED IT, I'd probably never use one again, which would add a lot of unnecessary discomfort to my life.  I choose not to believe that I can get diseases from the toilet seat or that the soap dispenser is teeming with germs, and, as of today, what I do or don't know hasn't hurt me.  Most of the time, I'd recommend ignoring most unreasonable warnings and just going to the bathroom.

And then yesterday happened.  No, I didn't get a deadly disease from the toilet seat - that warning can still be ignored.  I just got trapped inside the bathroom stall.  Let me explain.

I had just stopped at my local Meijer to buy some produce.  Dun dun duuuuuuun.  I'd had a bottle of water and cup of coffee on the way (it's a 10-minute drive - don't ask me how that happened) and so obviously the bathroom had to come first.  I headed to the very clearly marked bathroom, which was otherwise unoccupied giving me free reign to choose the absolute cleanest, most sanitary stall available.  It wasn't until it was too late that I realized I had made the wrong choice.  My stall was out of toilet paper. 

I was trapped!  What was I supposed to do?  It was every bit as horrible as it sounds.  I asked out loud if there was anyone else in the bathroom, hoping that someone else had come in or had been hiding when I first arrived.  Nope.  I tried to send a text to my friend who was at Meijer with me.  Did you know that T-Mobile doesn't cover the Meijer bathroom?  No again.  I started considering other options.  Would it be better to crawl under the divider between the two stalls or to make a mad dash around the outside?  Maybe I could reach far enough to grab some toilet paper from the stall next to me. 

Fortunately, just as I was preparing to execute my best plan of action (run into the stall next to me as quickly as possible seemed like the winner so far) my text miraculously sent and my friend came and saved the day.  We decided that there is most definitely a market for travel-sized toiled paper in case of emergency, thanks to our school janitor and Meijer.  Next time you use a public restroom, don't worry about how gross it is; worry about whether you'll be able to get out or not! Or bring a friend.  You're welcome.


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